Well, obviously!

Poor FDR. Once again I put his biography on the backburner to work on another book. The new book is yet another biography, this time of Julius Henry Marx, better known to most folks as Groucho. It’s an enlightening book which put a great number of things in perspective to me. Take for example the film Sunset Boulevard, which depicts a silent film star who has been all but forgotten by Hollywood. After reading Groucho’s biography I have to say the film was pretty accurate in Hollywood’s attitude at the time. By 1950 many actors and actresses who had come of age in vaudeville and silent films were truly being left by the wayside by Hollywood. Groucho was able to endure because he and his talents for ad-libbing on his You Bet Your Life program made the leap from radio to television. Other notable artists, such as Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton, weren’t as lucky, finding work hard to come by. I finished off Groucho’s biography this past weekend, but obviously I won’t finish FDR’s unless I stop allowing myself to be distracted by new books.

Sometimes it amazes me that people miss those things in life that I think should be obvious. From time to time we all suffer from brain lapses that cause us to overlook details in life that should be as clear as the nose on our face. I’m guilty of suffering many such brain lapses and I readily admit that. It comes with the territory of being a male: forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, and on occasion our girlfriend’s/wife’s name is not beyond the potential of those of us who suffer from the XX chromosome syndrome. My dad was notorious for forgetting my brother’s and my birthdays, not to mention those late night dashes to the store because he just remembered his anniversary was the next day. There’s no need to again bring up his knack for resorting to his go-to gift of a toaster oven, so we’ll skip that part.

By way of example, I point out my experience of last week. Many years ago when I worked in a law firm I obtained a commission as a notary public. It came in very handy when preparing releases to obtain medical records and other sundry tasks in the office. A few months back I let my notary expire; it came down to a choice between having repairs made to my car’s transmission or renewing my notary. It was an easy choice. I knew I’d be submitting a new application as soon as the money became available again. So last week I took my completed application to the courthouse to regain my status as a notary. I handed over the form and took a seat while someone in the clerk of courts office typed up my new certificate. The lady who typed up the form called me to the counter, handed me the certificate, and asked me to proofread it to make sure all my information on it was correct. It took me about half a second to find a major error on the form.

“You’ve got the wrong gender,” I pointed out.

Incredulously, she said, “You’re kidding me,” somehow not believing that she had made that big of a mistake. I showed her the certificate and the line where it said I was female.

“Unless I’m heading to Sweden for a reassignment, I think it’s wrong” I told her, but in a manner indicating I thought the mistake was funny and wasn’t angry.

The clerk was beside herself, apologizing profusely, but I told her it was okay and it was the best laugh I had had all day (which was quite true). She mentioned that she had been making all sorts of mistakes that day, to which I had to chime in, “Just so long as you don’t make a mistake sending someone up for a stretch at Alto state prison, you’re fine.”

Putting the wrong gender on a public document is one thing; spending more money than you actually have is another one of life’s obvious details that most of us should know. But not all of us do. A couple of weeks ago I read a letter to the editor in our local paper that addresses the federal budget deficit. Not to worry, the writer heralded, the national deficit is a good thing. The money we’re spending that we don’t have is actually an investment in our future. Boy, I’d sure like to try that with my credit card company. Let’s see…purchase a very expensive plasma screen television, default on the payments, and tell my creditor that it’s an investment in our future. Somehow I don’t think that story would get very far. Most of us should know that if you practice deficit spending to excess, the interest alone starts to eat you alive and you never put a dent in the principal. And for some reason I don’t think massive cuts to the student loan and Pell Grant programs are an investment in our future. It seems most of our “investment” money is going to support our goodwill tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

In the press recently was perhaps the biggest “That’s So Obvious” story that’s happened in quite some time. In an announcement that fairly screams “My Career is Dead and I Need Some PR,” Former N’ Sync member Lance Bass came out of the closet. That this made the news and was a surprise to anyone is a mystery to me; I’ve been saying N’ Sync is gay since 1998. One can only look at the musical group to conclude that Bass was gay. For starters, look at the band’s name: N’ Sync. For five males to be in sync is strange and unnatural. The only thing that should be in sync is a house full of sorority girls, not a group of guys. Second, just look at this photo. If that doesn’t scream gay I don’t know what does (maybe except for this photo). Now I don’t begrudge anyone for their sexual preference and the friends I have in the local LGBT community will confirm that. But this is one Lance I don’t want in my pants. Obviously.