Here we go again

It's that time of year again...it's time for college football!! Granted, I love fall and college football. It's a genetic thing that runs in my family; I may or may not explain in a future post about sports in my family and our genetic predisposition to be competitive. But while I love the college football season, I hate what it does to this campus and our town. Starting on Thursdays every podunk with 8 functional braincells and a drivers license (or 5 functioning braincells and no license) begins to filter into town to get a head start on bar hopping, getting hammered, and starting fist fights. Which is a shame because the landscaping crews around here do a very good job of preparing the campus for visitors. Oh, they'll clean up the trash quite well around the stadium, but come Monday the rest of the campus will look like multiple garbage trucks overturned and scattered their contents to the four winds. But on the plus side, with the serious drought we've had around here this summer, the grass will be welcoming of the extra urine, the shrubbery agreeable to the vomit.

But he's not gay

C'mon, Senator Craig. It's okay to be gay. Being a hypocrite is another story altogether.

Back to work

After a week off spent recovering from oral surgery, I'm back at my desk today. Crap! More often than not after sitting around the house for a few days I get stir crazy and work seems like a nice alternative. Not this time. I'd love to be at home sitting back and watching movies. Jimmy Cagney films and plenty of Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes were on my "to watch" list this week, and it was mission accomplished for me. Still, looking back at last Thursday, I'm wondering when in the hell I actually posted a blog entry. The oral surgeon hit me up with so much Verced and Phenergan for my surgery that I've little recollection of everything that happened in between being put under (around 11:20 Thursday morning) and Friday morning. Obviously the evidence is there that I posted a blog entry, plus I apparently sent a couple of email messages as well. What surprises me even more than I did these things is that they were more or less coherent. Doesn't change the fact that I'd rather be home today.

Mmmmm...solid food!

To most people eating solid food is no big deal. But when you're dealing with a few missing teeth and sutures in your mouth, eating solid food is a big deal. Made myself my first meal this evening consisting almost entirely of solid food. It's been seventy-two hours since I've eaten a real meal; this evening was a nice change from the standard fare I've been downing the past couple of days. Wonder how much weight I've lost so far.

Two days out

It's been almost forty-eight hours since my happy fun time at the oral surgeon's office, and boy is my jaw sore today. The problem isn't with the areas where my upper third molars or upper first pre-molars were; the soreness seems to be mostly muscular around the jaw joints. So far no bruising around my face, but I do have some swelling on the left side of my face. Despite frequent ice packs, the swelling isn't going down that much. The plan for today is more ice packs, staying up on my pain meds, and limiting how much I talk and make my jaw work. For the record, you can survive on a steady diet of water, tea, pudding, apple sauce, and ice cream. My biggest concern about eating is getting food debris caught where my pre-molars used to be, as I'm uncertain how long it takes before the sockets become "safe" and I don't have to worry about dislodging the clotting. Still, glad I did all this. No more third molars to worry about, and my mouth, once it has healed, is ready for braces.

Got a get well card today from the people I work with. That was pretty cool.

The Pucker Factor

There comes a time in everyone's life when the Pucker Factor comes into play. What's the Pucker Factor, you ask? It's a term used by fighter pilots when they're in an intense, close in dogfight. The fear factor of such an encounter makes your rear sphincter tighten up, or pucker. So when the Pucker Factor hits, it's not a good thing.

The Pucker Factor hit me today, for today was the day I saw the oral surgeon to have some teeth removed to get my mouth ready for braces. I've been a little anxious the past couple of days knowing this was coming, but nothing along the lines of panic attacks I've had in the past. Afterall, I told myself, I had my impacted third molars removed ten years ago, and while not a painless experience, an experience that wasn't all too bad.

When my alarm clock went off at 5:30 this morning I have to admit was I far more calm about the prospect of oral surgery than I was when I woke up the morning when my wife and I were married three years ago. This calmness was enhanced around 10 a.m. when I took the Xanax the oral surgeon gave me to help me relax. And boy oh boy did it do its duty, and quite admirably I might add. By the time I got to the dentist's office I was feeling pretty damned good. They could have removed my head and I don't think I would have cared.

I didn't have to wait long before they called me in, and my wife and I walked back to one of their OR rooms, which was a little bigger than the usual dentists exam room but with equipment you don't usually see in a typical exam room. I got comfortable in the chair as the chair side tech hooked me up to the EKG machine, stuck me with an IV, and did some lab panels. Having woken up this morning with my sinuses draining I took along a Breathe Right strip to put on my nose to help me breathe through my nose. I love those things.

Without warning, the tech injected the medication to put me to sleep. Or at least I think she did. The Xanax had relaxed me so much it's possible I fell asleep on my own before she hit me with her own nighty-night time drug cocktail.

When I had my third molars taken out ten years ago, I came to during the procedure for a few seconds. I was aware enough to see that I had surgical draping over my face, and the dentist was using a tool to break my left molar so he could remove it. I thought, "How long is this going to take?", and then I fell asleep again. The fear that the same thing would happen this time weighed heavily on my mind. And it did, but it was more enjoyable this time. At some point during the procedure this morning I did come to, but not to the point where was I awake. I was aware that there was work going on in my mouth, but instead of opening my eyes and see a surgical cloth, my eyes remained closed and I had one of the most freaky hallucinations I've ever had. LSD is nothing I've ever dabbled in but I've known people who have. But I imagine what my brain was experiencing was the closest to an acid-induced hallucination that I'll ever experience. Colors and shapes of all kinds set to the backdrop of oral surgery was kind of freaky yet oh so very cool at the same time. I think Jerry Garcia's life flashed before my eyes.

Post-procedure I woke up a few times, the last time around 2 p.m. I recall my wife standing over me asking me questions. Sorry, honey, but I've just had four teeth removed from my skull? Will there be a better time today to ask me questions? But she was just trying to gauge how far I was out of the anesthesia. Before I knew it I was being helped to the car, both of them, as I was seriously seeing two of everything at this point. And, voila! The whole experience with the surgery was over.

So now I sit here in my living room, typing this, having slept for three or four hours this afternoon, a little sore but nothing too bad, chewing on discolored gauze pads, and an ice pack draped across my face to reduce swelling while making me look like a poor man's Santa Claus. To keep me from getting too anxious this week I kept telling myself by this time on Friday it'll all be over. Well, it's all over now, and I'm glad the work is done as I'm all out of third molars. Geez I'm sleepy.

This just in...

Michael Vick has agreed to take a plea deal on his dogfighting case. When your three co-defendants roll on you, I guess you have few options beyond copping a plea. Have fun, Mike. You're going from dogfighting to taking it doggie style in the prison shower. And when you're done taking the snap from center there, enjoy the competition in either the CFL or NFL Europe.

Crack that whip!

For the problem child

It's the Camp Tumbleweed dryer by Whirlpool!

Adios, Turd Blossom

Nothing brings about a resignation like a congressional investigation, eh Karl? Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.

Too hot for a snowjob

In the local paper today there was an announcement of revised watering restrictions. There has been an issue with dirty water throughout the city and county over the past six weeks. The county's public works office has been stating and restating the mantra that the dirty water has been caused by many people watering at the same time (when they're allowed to) which is loosening minerals and such in the water lines.

If this were a football game, a penalty flag would be thrown, the call: bullshit. They say if you say something long enough, you actually begin to believe it. Just ask O.J. Simpson if he killed his wife and Ron Goldman. I have it from an exceptionally reliable source that the dirty water isn't due to excessive watering. It appears that due to the severe drought in these here parts, the water levels and flow rates in the local rivers have dropped so low that the county has been switching some of their intake feeds to a local reservoir created to provide drinking water for at least three counties in this area, ours included. The switch over to take water from that reservoir is the reason for the dirty water. Think about it: would people in newer subdivisions be experiencing dirty water from mineral deposits in brand new water lines? I think not.

Damn it's HOT!

So far, a good evening for me. My wife is up in Michigan for a high school reunion. My daughter is fast asleep. For the first time in a long time I'll be able to do something I haven't done since I was single and childless: fall asleep while watching an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. I'm also enjoying using our laptop in the living room courtesy of the wireless network I finally got working this week at home. The only item that's needed attention in the past half hour is my dog, who needed to go out to answer the call of nature. When I opened the back door to let him out, I was greeted by a blast of hot, not warm, but hot air from outside. As I type this it's 10:25 in the evening and 92 degrees outside. That's friggin insane! It shouldn't be this hot at this time of night. On my way home from work this afternoon the digital readout above my rearview mirror said it was 107 degrees outside. The high for tomorrow is predicted to hit 106, not including the heat index.

This weather pattern reminds me of the first trip we took to Myrtle Beach with friends of ours at the end of July, 2005. I've always considered South Carolina to be the Third Level of Hell, and the temperature reflected its status. Hot, hot, hot. Highs over 100 during the day, maybe cooling off into the upper 80s at night. The first time I ever played golf was during that trip. The temperature hovered between 115 to 120 degrees with the heat index. What an awful introduction to golfing--both in terms of weather and how I played.

We're supposed to have a cooling trend sometime in the next few days. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I can't wait until the weather cools down into the upper 90s during the day. Now all we need is rain, lots and lots of rain.

Fire in the Hole

I don't get this. On You Tube today I discovered this "phenomenon" called Fire in the Hole (FitH). Basically, what it consists of is someone pulling up to a drive-thru, ordering a meal, and driving around to the window. Most places will hand you your drink(s) first as they're the easiest and fastest to get ready. The objective of FitH is when the minimum wage fast food employee comes to the window and hands you your food, you yell, "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" and hit Mr./Ms. Minimum Wage with your drink or milkshake. Just watch the video below. Having worked fast food before, I'm appalled but at the same time I can't help but chuckle at times.